Unfinished Business

I had a nice talk with Jackie this morning. One of those mother daughter chats that me and my mom unfortunately never had. I don’t really know why, and then again, maybe I do. My mom never had really talked to me about dating or the rules of dating. True, I had married young, but we just never had that kind of relationship. In my opinion, Jackie and I have a pretty good relationship. I try to make it a point to talk to her about all of the things my mother never told me. Sure, I am still learning. I sometimes say the wrong thing, none of us are perfect. This morning I asked her about her very first crush. She rolled her eyes as only Jackie can do, but she forgets that I am well informed on these things. I told her about what I refer to as “Unfinished Business”. We’ve had this conversation before. In fact we talked about it a lot as it was something very important to me. I’ve only had this conversation with a select few in my circle who know me very well.
“I know.” She meets my eyes for a brief moment then looks away. “You’re the voice of experience.”
“I just don’t ever want for you to have regrets later on down the line.” I did not add that it was something that I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.
She made herself busy at her dresser. I know she doesn’t want to meet my gaze. Maybe because she knows that I will not simply drop the subject and move on. I’m not really sure. I just don’t want her to have any regrets later on. Sure, my circumstances are very different but are we ever really sure of anything? And tomorrow is just one of those things that are never guaranteed. “So, who was he?” I already know the answer and she flushes.
“Mom.”
“Okay.” I concede the point only because I think that she knows that I know who he is. “I just want to make sure. I don’t want you to ever look back and think what if…” What a joke that is, as well as the biggest understatement ever made. What if… Where does my list begin? Actually I don’t think I know where it ends. I don’t want to go there. Not again. And not now! I’ve already had to repair my makeup once today and I’m not going for a second time.
Jackie and I have that special bond. Sometimes I believe that maybe there are some things that should just remain in the past. Maybe we shouldn’t discuss them. Then again, I would like with all my heart to believe that she tries to understand where I’m coming from and as a mother I hope to God that she’ll never have to experience in her life, exactly where I’m coming from.

Homesick By: Mercy Me

For my cousins Linda and Francine who recently lost their Dad. Hold this song close to your heart and know that where your Dad is today is our final destination and reward. And one day we will see him again!! Our prayers are with you today and always!





You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now