October is Domestic Violence Awareness

Domestic Violence in a nutshell…

Only turtles live in a shell. So do battered women. For years I’ve tried to understand how I had lived in one of those shells. I tried to remember exactly when it had happened, and I couldn’t. I can only say that it didn’t happen overnight. If it had I would have seen it coming.
Sometimes I find myself deep in thought, going back to another place in time. Many of these memories or flashbacks seem muddled, almost as though seeing them through a hazy fog. They can be surreal but I know that they happened. At first I would minimize the abuse. “Did it really happen that way?” I would question myself. “Did he really have his hands around my throat while squeezing the breath out of me?” The problem with many of these questions is simply this; I wouldn’t do this to someone I hated (strong word) never mind someone I claimed to love. To this day, almost twenty years later, I still have a hard time comprehending this. For the life of me, it eludes me. And that was the bottom line, in order to save my life, I had to leave. I had run out of choices because sooner or later this man was going to kill me.
If, as you are reading this, you cannot comprehend such a thing happening, I would consider you fortunate. The sad reality is that one out of four women can relate to some kind of relationship violence. This epidemic is soaring out of control and seems uncontainable. What happens in your home stays in your home. Not if it can kill you!
After the initial beating he seems genuinely sorry. He may even shed some tears and this is where many women weaken. If he agrees to get help and goes through on the promise to get that help your relationship may be salvageable. I won’t say that people cannot change but they have to want to change. Paying lip service to this change is not good enough. He needs to go through with it. We tend to leave it there until the next time the violence erupts. Next time it may be too late.I thought if people knew about my situation they would look at me differently. Some did and some knew that something was wrong though they didn’t know what it was at the time. And there were other people that knew damned well what was going on. These people can help you but initially you need to step up to the plate and accept that help. It won’t be easy but in order to save your life you’ll need to make the stand. To say once you walk out that door your problems will be history is a lie but the rock on your chest will be lifted. What you need to realize is that once you make the decision to free yourself from this disease you will thrive. You will realize that you are stronger than you ever thought possible. Every day is another step in the direction of becoming independent. One day you will be able to look back and say that although those were some pretty bleak times that you are a survivor and being a survivor and not a statistic has made you the person you are today. Tell your story, because in turn it may save someone’s life.