SCATTERED MEMORIES

“She’s coming around.” A voice came out of the darkness. And then there were bright lights surrounding Lori. Someone was holding her down.
“Let go of me.” She struggled against the hold while squeezing her eyes closed. Then she couldn’t fight as a warm sensation trickled through her veins. “Don’t…” Was the last word to escape her parched lips before she fell once again into oblivion.

Slowly Lori opened her eyes and allowed them to adjust to the warm hues of green surrounding her. She was in a hospital bed with an IV pole attached right above her. All was quiet and the blinds allowed only a sliver of sunlight to gain entrance. “Good morning.” A matronly nurse in a starched white uniform smiled. “You’ve had a nice nap.” Her blue eyes had crinkles in the corners.
“Where am I?” Lori croaked.
“You’re at County Medical. And you’ve been here about a week.”
“A week.” Lori tried to sit up but the pain in her head had her back down on the pillows.
“Dr. Andrews will answer all of your questions. You need to remain calm.”
She rocked on her heels crossing her arms against her ample bosom. “My name is Peg and I’m your nurse.”
“I can’t remember…”
“It will come back. In bits and pieces but for now all you need to do is lie still and I will summon the doctor for you.”
Lori took a deep breath. She was too tired to argue. Too tired to get out of bed. Too tired to care. “How is our patient today?” A young doctor entered the room carrying a clipboard. “Good morning.” He smiled down at her with warm brown eyes. “I am Dr. Andrews.”
“What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No.”
“You were in an accident.” He paused. “Your husband will be so happy to…”
Husband! “I’m not married.”
“What do you remember?” He pulled up a chair and took a seat beside the bed. “Peg, why don’t you get Mrs. Davis some breakfast?”
“I remember shopping with my mother.”
“Uh huh… What else?”
“We were shopping for dresses for my brother’s wedding…”
“Who’s your date for your brother’s wedding?”
Lori took a deep breath and rubbed her head. Think! Think! Her mind screamed. “I’m not sure…”
“That’s all right Mrs. Davis.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What would you like for me to call you?”
“Lori.”
“Okay Lori.” He placed the clipboard into his lap after scribbling a few notes. “Tell me about your family.”
“Has my mother been here?”
Dr. Andrews cleared his throat. “Well?” She demanded.
“Your husband is the only one who has been here.”
“And I told you that I’m not married.” Lori forced through clenched teeth. “I am so out of here.” She threw the covers back angrily but the sight that greeted her was that of disbelief. Her once slim beautiful legs were now bruised, swollen, and ugly. Her breath caught. “Oh God.” Fear swept through her entire body. “What… I don’t understand… I can’t remember… Please…”
“Your body is going to need time to heal.” Dr. Andrews replaced the white cotton blanket which had covered her frail but marred body. “As will your mind need time to remember. And you will.”
“Can you contact my mother?”
“No.” Dr. Andrews gained his full six feet his eyes softening still. “Your mother passed away five years ago.”

Louis Davis rubbed his eyes wearily. He’d hardly slept in the last week, ever since Lori’s accident. “Daddy…” Pamela slapped the brush down onto the table with a thwack. “Brush my hair like Mommy does.”
“Please.” Louis corrected his daughter with a smile.
“Please.” She returned a smile.
“I’ll try my best.” Louis sat his five year old daughter at the table and gently brushed her long dark curls.
“Mommy does it bestest.”
“Better.”
“When can I see Mommy?”
He got down on his haunches beside her. “Mommy had an accident Pumpkin.”
“I miss her.”
“Me too.” Louis gave his daughter a quick hug. “Let’s get ready for school.”
“I want to see Mommy first.” Her little chin quivered. It was remarkable how much his daughter favored his looks and at this point it was a good thing. Damnit Lori! How could you have been so damned careless!
Just then the doorbell rang, cutting into the rest of his thoughts. “That must be Melissa.” Melissa was Pamela’s babysitter and had been since she had been an infant.
“I want to see Mommy.”
“I will ask the doctor okay?”
“Kay.” She scooted down from the table and headed for the other room where Melissa had quietly let herself in.

Lori stared out the window hardly touching her breakfast. Her mother had passed away five years ago! How did one lose five years of their life without one flicker of a thought? Dr. Andrews came back after completing rounds. “I need to know what happened to me.” Lori stated simply. “All the facts. I don’t even know who my husband is…”
“Your husband is Louis Davis. He owns…”
“Davis Automotive.”
Dr. Andrews perked up. “Everyone knows that.” Lori added as an after thought. I remember Kevin Davis. I went to school with him. But I don’t remember Louis…”
“Your brother went to school with Louis.” He stated simply. “These things take time. The important thing is that you are recovering. What is the last thing you can actually remember?”
“I remember going shopping. My mom had her fitting…” She scratched her head absently. “What happened to the last five years?” Her voice broke. “My husband… Has he come to see me?”
“Every day.”
“My brother is overseas. Military.”
“Did you want to see Louis today?”
Her breath caught in her throat. How could she admit to this doctor, a stranger, that she was scared to death of seeing this man she had no recollection of? Maybe he was hoping it would jog her memory. “Maybe a nice warm shower and you can make yourself pretty for your visit.”
Lori swept her long blonde hair to the side as Peg came through the door with a manila folder which she handed to the doctor. “Thanks.” He opened the file to the very first page. “I was hoping you can help Lori take a shower so that she can have a visit with her husband.”
“Of course.”
Dr. Andrews spread out a couple of photos on the tray before her. There was a photo of her parents, both deceased. There was a wedding picture of her brother Johnny and his lovely wife Camille. Then there was a photo of Lori dancing with a good looking man. He fit the bill of tall dark and handsome. What a cliché. “Do you know this man?”
“No.”
He took the picture back and placed two more in its place. “How about these?”
“This is Kevin.” She pushed it towards the doctor. “I don’t know the other.”
“You’re right about Kevin. This is Josh, another brother.” He withdrew another photo from the file. “This is Louis.” He handed her back the first picture he had showed her.
“I don’t remember.” Her breath caught and her bottom lip trembled with emotion. “I married this man five years ago…”
“Seven.”
“Seven…” She echoed
“You’re mom passed away five years ago.”
The man, Louis Davis, was drop dead gorgeous. Why would he have wanted to marry her? “I have a marriage certificate here somewhere.”

Louis cleared his schedule with Melissa. He would be spending the day at the hospital. Lori had awakened and he needed to be there. Dr. Andrews said something about her memory lapsing although he hadn’t gone into detail. All he wanted was to make sure that Lori was all right and would be ready to come home to them. “Not much to ask for.” He sneered with contempt as he pulled his Lexis into a parking spot in the visitor parking lot.

Lori sat in the chair as Peg helped her shower. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so alone. Her legs weren’t working and her mind wasn’t working either. She enjoyed feeling the water on her face and the soap bubbles racing down her back. She washed her own hair and lathered her body with the bar of soap that Peg had supplied.
Thank goodness for some privacy. While Peg turned her back Lori gripped the chair and slowly pulled herself up. The pain in her legs was great but at least she could feel it. “What are you doing?” Peg pushed her back down into the chair.
“I just wanted to see if I could stand…”
“You’ll be walking around in no time. I thought Dr. Andrews explained your injuries.”
“I was worried about not remembering…”
“It’s okay Sweetie. You’re young. You’ll make a complete recovery.”
How could she explain what she was feeling? She was going to see her husband today. A husband she knew nothing about. “Let’s get you into something pretty.” She placed a cotton blanket around Lori’s petite form as she was shivering with cold. “Your husband brought so many pretty things I am sure there is something here that you’ll like.”
Once Lori was dressed in a pretty purple nightgown she sat by the window. It was a sunny day with a bright blue sky. After brushing her hair she closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth on her face.
Scattered pictures danced before her mind’s eye. Louis Davis. She had married well. Wearily she sighed as she heard the door open. Please let me remember something. Anything. Please. “Hello Lori.”
His voice was as smooth as melting butterscotch. “Sweetheart.”
She opened her eyes as he knelt down beside her chair. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.
“It’s all right.” He placed a gentle hand to her cheek. “I’ve been so worried.”
Lori found herself drowning in those deep brown eyes. “You’ve got some color.” He smiled and her heart melted. It was easy to see what had attracted her to this man.
The moment their lips touched it was somehow familiar. Scattered memories raced across her mind in a whirlwind. She remembered being held in this man’s arms. Dancing with him. Laughing with him. And just as she had remembered everything good she suddenly remembered the betrayal.
Lori had come across some personal items from the closed adoption. She also happened upon Pamela’s birth certificate which should have been sealed with the adoption. Seeing Louis’ name on the birth certificate had taken her aback but that had been nothing compared to seeing Melissa’s name entered as Pamela’s biological mother. That was when she had realized that their marriage had been built on lies. The entire truth had sent her over the edge. Before leaving the house she had confronted him with the proof.

“I’m sorry Lori. Yes, I should have told you the truth. We both wanted a baby. You couldn’t get pregnant…”
“So, this is my fault…”
“Of course not…”
“You didn’t trust me enough…”
“Yeah right.” Louis returned sarcastically. “And you would have continued to raise Pammy…”
“Yes damnit, I would have. I love Pammy.” She held up a hand as he moved closer. “Not this time Louis. You can’t make this better with a couple of kisses and sweet words.” Lori stood her ground.
“You’re leaving us.”
“I need some time to think.” And with that said she stormed out.

Tears ran down her cheeks as Louis granted her space. “Pammy misses her mommy.”
“I’m not her mommy.”
“Yes, you are. You always have been.”
“I need more than that.”
“Whatever you want Lori.”
“I want honesty.”
“The truth hurts.”
“Lies hurt more.”
“I love you.”
“Prove it.” Lori paused. “We need to go into counseling.”
“Therapy?”
“Take it or leave it.”
“We can try therapy.” He took her hand gently within his own. “I love you Lori and I love all that we have built together.”
“It’s going to be hard work.”
“We’re worth it.”
“Yes we are.” Lori kissed her husband.

Coming Home for Christmas

I'm going in a completely different direction with this one and I am loving these characters. Especially Mrs. Winston. This is one feisty Grandma and she is on a mission!!! Enjoy the prologue and leave some feedback as it is always appreciated.


Twenty years was a long time to stay away. Melanie Winston realized that fact the moment she stepped foot into the state of New Jersey. She had been gone for too long and so much had changed. The cab ride from the airport had certainly proven to be an eye opener. There was no time for nostalgia she realized as a small flurry surrounded the cab as they sped into the night heading straight for a past she had thought dead and buried.

Robert McGowan loaded his tools into the van early Saturday morning. Normally he didn’t work on the weekends but this had been an emergency appointment in the area for one of his prominent customers. As he flexed his shoulders he took a look around at the light dusting of snow that had fallen overnight. Not enough to make a mess but enough to make going without heat even for a couple of hours unbearable.

Leaving town twenty years earlier had been bad enough. Although her parents had made the decision and Melanie hadn’t a choice in the matter did little to ease the suffering it had caused. Now it seemed that no matter which way Melanie could slice it this trip had been long overdue. Truth be known she had missed her grandmother terribly and it had been unfair for all concerned. There were too many deep dark secrets that could be uncovered upon her return. She just had to make sure that she kept to herself for the couple of weeks she would be in town. That shouldn’t prove difficult. When she went back home she wanted to go back with a clear conscious and more importantly an intact heart.

The Million Dollar Question...

Sandra Bonaldi – The Million Dollar Question…

I’ve been asked many times – “Why do you write?”
It’s a loaded question with many answers. I didn’t choose to write – I had to write! I will always remember the night when it all began. I spent the evening alone, the kids already in bed as it was late. Joey was four, Jackie, two, and Mark, three months old. I was in bed and sleep was a long way off.
One minute I was all right and the next the tears were bubbling up as though a wellspring about to explode.
For years I had been kidding myself. I had been living a lie. I had three beautiful children, a nice home, yet I wasn’t happy. My heart was far from okay and was feeling a loss that even I could not comprehend. I prayed as never before and with a pen and paper the words spilled forth as they had never done before. The words were bursting forth from a broken heart and they demanded their story be told. And I put them down the best way I knew how. The only way I could put them down. They were the truth turned inside out.

Contemporary Romance seemed to be my comfort zone. After all, who could resist the hero sweeping in just in time to save his damsel in distress? There had to be that happily ever after…

At first I kept my writing a secret. After all, in my opinion it was just a bunch of jumbled up emotion coming from a broken heart. Most of it was run on sentences of raw emotion. Digging deeply into something that could not be explained because there was no rhyme just as there was no reason.

My writing was something all my own. As far as I was concerned no one needed to know, and for close to a year I was able to keep it under wraps. I was keeping a journal and writing some poetry. When I decided to actually write a book I knew it was not going to be an easy feat. But I fell in love with the characters. I laughed with them and I cried with them. To me they were real and I thought of them as real people.

Write what you know. I knew something about young love and I certainly knew about heart break. Put them together and Past Reflections was born. It was a labor of love. It was what I referred to as my “therapy book!”

Blessings - Laura Story - LYRICS

Blessings -

Sometimes they don't come packaged in a pretty bow. I've experienced this and know it to be true. I have shared this song with almost everyone I know and it is touching. I just need to keep looking up and believing that everything WILL turn out all right because it is what God had promised me and sometimes that is all we have to hold onto...

Better Than A Hallelujah Amy Grant

Personal Needs Allowance: (Personal Needs Allowance)

Personal Needs Allowance: (Personal Needs Allowance): "                      The importanc..."

26 Years Ago Today…

26 Years Ago Today…

January 20, 1985 at 12:30 PM a baby boy was born. It was a cold Sunday. I landed in the hospital about 3:00 AM. Was not supposed to go into labor but if you know me, nothing ever runs according to plan. Still doesn’t…

I was scheduled to go in for a C-Section on the 31st of December but Mark Gilbert had other plans. He wanted OUT.

My previous two C-Sections with Joe and Jackie I had opted to get knocked out, medicated but for some reason with Mark I decided I was staying awake for that one. There were also other factors involved. If you were going under you couldn’t have anyone accompany you into the delivery room. Basically, you were on your own. This happened to be the end result anyway. I went in alone and I remember watching the clock.

I remember the epidural. It took three nurses to sit me up and hold me completely still. You cannot move a muscle. My first argument was wearing my socks into the O.R. Funny, the things you remember. I was NOT taking my socks off and that was it. Needless to say I won that battle. If only wearing your socks was the long and short of it.

Nothing went according to plan with Mark as he had his own ideas about how he was making his grand entrance. And some things just never change!

The O.R. was sterile and bright. I watched every minute click by on that big white clock. There was a team of doctors. I remember one young doctor in particular, handsome with an excellent bedside manner. For some reason I had been taken aback when they told me I had another little boy. Had I expected a girl? I was just so glad he was healthy and screaming his little head off. I got a glimpse of him, was assured he was all right, and was immediately knocked out.

No matter what else you always remember holding your baby for the very first time. It becomes a memory that not only gets imbedded into your mind but into your heart as well. Every year when that special day rolls around my mind goes back to another place in time….

Mark, twenty-six years ago today…

And you retell the story that has been a part of you for so long that you do come to realize that the pains of labor disappeared and were replaced with the bundle of joy that had been placed in my arms twenty six years ago today…

I love you Mark!
God Bless you!