Faith

My writing has really been struggling this year.  Talk about a hiatus - it's been too long really.  I think I fell into a depression without realizing what was happening.  It started when I had gained close to twenty pounds within a couple of months.  Next came the many doctor visits for different things.  Until finally the discovery of the C-word and then the subsequent surgery.  
My family and friends pulled together to help me get through it.  Of course it hadn't helped that I had just started working again and didn't have time to take off.  I know what you're thinking so I won't even go there.  I was worried about many different things and not only work.
Needless to say I was back to work in a week.  It wasn't enough time but I pulled it off.  I wish I could say that the surgery had fixed everything.  Of course it fixed the biggest problem - it got rid of the cancer.  Thank you Jesus.  
It's not quite a year that I am now cancer free, and believe me, I thank God every day for that.  Yet, I don't feel any better.  I am still getting monitored, they are testing that my medication is adjusted accordingly yet I am still sluggish.  Throw menopause into that mix and you have some combination.  I go to bed tired and I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep.  It honestly doesn't make any sense.  I am tired of being tired.
The weight still hasn't come off.  Not that I am trying much mind you.  I don't have it in me to exercise so I can't even go there.  I am lucky if I can make it to eight before contemplating the bed.  Not fun.    
I went on vacation with two of my girlfriends and had to push myself each morning just to get out of bed.  Sure, we had a blast, crossed two things off of my bucket list, (another blog) and it was a fantastic time.  It would have been better if I had been thirty pounds lighter and not so tired. 
So now what?  Find another doctor.  Keep looking for what?  I'm really not sure at this point.
Exhaustion is a hard battle to fight.  Especially when you do not know exactly what you are fighting.  It's been ongoing and uphill all the way.  So, I put it in God's hands and trust that He will pull me through.  And He will.  He always does.  All I need to do is to continue to have faith.