So, I looked at the calendar. And you know what; I go through this every year. Isn’t that what anniversary’s are? But this is an anniversary of a death, followed by bittersweet memories. But aren’t they a time to reflect? Smile at the memories you shared, the ones you could have made but didn’t get the chance, and shed a couple of tears. Okay, more than a couple, I fibbed. And then I heard that song that gets me every time, “Homesick.” (By Mercy Me) And it’s just so awesome, powerful and true that I find myself getting lost in another place in time.
Losing someone special will leave a hole in your heart that no one can fill. And that’s okay, because that’s just the way it is supposed to be. I still don’t quite understand why things happened the way that they did but I know that God was always in control of it all. I know that some people get angry at God when they lose someone close, I never did. I may have gotten angry at people close to the situation but NEVER at God. After all, He is the one who pulled me through what had to be one of the darkest moments of my life. So, tomorrow, when I look at the calendar I will think back on the smiles, to the brief time we had together, and hopefully not to all the things that could have or should have been. I will thank God for the little time that we shared because I know in my heart of hearts that you made me a better person and I will ALWAYS love you for that.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
A daily dose of wisdom
Just when you thought you heard it all. Just when you thought it was safe to breathe. Just when you thought you had it all sewn up. Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water…
Guess what?
Your life gets turned upside down and inside out.
You can never outrun your past. No matter what you do it always seems to be two steps ahead of you. You can love someone so much that it hurts. Sometimes the best thing you can ever do for someone you love is to simply walk away and not look back. Regret is what you’ll have if you look back.
When there’s a piece to the puzzle that is simply no where to be found, count on your sister to find it.
There will always be one that got away just as you will always be haunted by a memory of someone dear.
There are days that you’ll hurt more than others, just as there will be days when you’ll want to pack it all in. There will be someone that will stand beside you and love you for who you are and not who they think you should be. There are days when you will have to forgive yourself for being human because we all are.
As the days turn to weeks, the weeks turn to months, and the months turn to years eventually you will find wisdom. You will know what it feels like to have loved and lost. In doing so you will also come to realize that losing is not necessarily a bad thing. Not having loved at all would have been a greater loss.
Sometimes telling a little white lie will save a heart the ache. In order to completely forgive we need to try like hell to forget. Sometimes what you don’t know can be a good thing. Sometimes you realize that the only people in your life you can love unconditionally are your children (and your dogs).
It’s a sad realization when you think that more than half of your life has been spent on the defensive.
It has been said that the truth hurts, and believe me, it does! Whoever said that time heals all wounds must have only had a superficial boo-boo, because some wounds are simply way too deep. If you tell someone a secret you had better trust them with your life. It’s definitely easier to tell the truth because there is no covering up the truth. If you lie even once, you will be forced to lie again to cover up the first lie. Before you know it, you be stuck in a quagmire of deceit. It isn’t worth it. Come clean the first time and you won’t have to remember the web of lies that you needed to cover the first lie in the first place.
If a person lies about something simple just imagine how deep that goes. Always think before you act. Once the words are said it is too late to pull them back. Once a deed is done you can’t change that deed. Once you cross the line you can’t go back.
When you start talking like your parents, don’t look at it as getting old; look at it as you are wising up. It’s okay to sing along with the radio no matter what your kids say even though I remember how mortified I’d been whenever my mom had done it. What I wouldn’t give to have her here with me today, singing off key and all. Maybe we all have to go to the school of hard knocks. I always had to learn everything the hard way. I guess that might be where my kids get it from. The key here is that you need to learn something from your mistakes.
Guess what?
Your life gets turned upside down and inside out.
You can never outrun your past. No matter what you do it always seems to be two steps ahead of you. You can love someone so much that it hurts. Sometimes the best thing you can ever do for someone you love is to simply walk away and not look back. Regret is what you’ll have if you look back.
When there’s a piece to the puzzle that is simply no where to be found, count on your sister to find it.
There will always be one that got away just as you will always be haunted by a memory of someone dear.
There are days that you’ll hurt more than others, just as there will be days when you’ll want to pack it all in. There will be someone that will stand beside you and love you for who you are and not who they think you should be. There are days when you will have to forgive yourself for being human because we all are.
As the days turn to weeks, the weeks turn to months, and the months turn to years eventually you will find wisdom. You will know what it feels like to have loved and lost. In doing so you will also come to realize that losing is not necessarily a bad thing. Not having loved at all would have been a greater loss.
Sometimes telling a little white lie will save a heart the ache. In order to completely forgive we need to try like hell to forget. Sometimes what you don’t know can be a good thing. Sometimes you realize that the only people in your life you can love unconditionally are your children (and your dogs).
It’s a sad realization when you think that more than half of your life has been spent on the defensive.
It has been said that the truth hurts, and believe me, it does! Whoever said that time heals all wounds must have only had a superficial boo-boo, because some wounds are simply way too deep. If you tell someone a secret you had better trust them with your life. It’s definitely easier to tell the truth because there is no covering up the truth. If you lie even once, you will be forced to lie again to cover up the first lie. Before you know it, you be stuck in a quagmire of deceit. It isn’t worth it. Come clean the first time and you won’t have to remember the web of lies that you needed to cover the first lie in the first place.
If a person lies about something simple just imagine how deep that goes. Always think before you act. Once the words are said it is too late to pull them back. Once a deed is done you can’t change that deed. Once you cross the line you can’t go back.
When you start talking like your parents, don’t look at it as getting old; look at it as you are wising up. It’s okay to sing along with the radio no matter what your kids say even though I remember how mortified I’d been whenever my mom had done it. What I wouldn’t give to have her here with me today, singing off key and all. Maybe we all have to go to the school of hard knocks. I always had to learn everything the hard way. I guess that might be where my kids get it from. The key here is that you need to learn something from your mistakes.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Update on Chase March 15
It has been the longest four days in history. Thursday night it began with Chase's odd behavior. First chewing on everything he could get in his mouth. Chase never did this as a pup so I immediately knew something was wrong when he began this odd behavior. Next came the vomiting episodes. We thought he was suffering from an upset stomach. But by 10:00 PM we knew that we were heading on up to the vet hospital.We get him up there. They check him out, take blood, inject him with some medication, place a small electrolyte pack under his skin and send us home. I already have Friday off because I am babysitting Miss Jada only now I have Chase in tow because I know that I cannot possibly leave him alone.Aside from that I am only going on an hour's amount of sleep, if that. We know that we have to get Chase in to see the vet today and I am scrambling to make it happen in between sitting for Jada and caring for Chase. Tom and I meet to take Chase to the vet while Z arrives home to help with Jada. Chase gets examined and all we really know is that his stomach is in chaos. We are chalking it up to an upper GI infection. He is given more medications through injections and a monster electrolyte pack under the skin making him look like a little hunchback. He comes home. I go back to sit with Jada and Tom cares for Chase. He seems to be doing better. Has even perked up a bit and even ate a little bit of his new dog food for the new diet he will have to be on for the rest of his life. It seems that we thought we were feeding him a good diet and we were giving him one of the highest in fats dog foods on the market. Well, we took him off that for sure. Friday night he had us up a couple of times to go out, but he was not vomiting. We took this as a good sign. Saturday morning we had to fight with him tooth and nail and we only got half of his medications in him. He lay around on his bed in Tom's easy chair. Tom and I had errands to run and Jackie kept an eye on him. For the most part of the day he was all right. Although he hadn't eaten we thought he was properly hydrated. The vet hospital called to check up on him and I tell them everything is fine. Later that afternoon Chase began going downhill once again. He could not hold water down. He was getting weaker and it was showing. He had to be carried in and out for bathroom trips which were not as frequent as they ought to have been. Bedtime we think is going to be all right because he had held the water down for close to two hours before we had taken him up. Two hours later he threw up all the water. I then brought him downstairs for the rest of the night and we had been up and down. Drinking and vomiting. It was breaking my heart. When Chase finally settled down at about five AM he laid beside me on the couch under the covers and put his head on my chest and looked up at me with those big brown eyes. I knew he was hurting and my heart was breaking. I knew by the morning we were going to be heading up to a more state of the art vet hospital with round the clock care.By nine thirty AM Chase had been admitted to the ICU and was already being well taken care of. It was hard leaving him but we knew that we were doing the right thing for Chase, and he knew it too. He was already getting much needed fluids and medications. He had lost a pound already and that wasn't good.By nine forty five AM we were told that Chase had Pancreastitis.So, now we wait. Chase should be coming home in a couple of days. We just want to see him get better and feel better. This poor pup has been through the mill in the past couple of days. Since then, I have gotten rid of all of the "Junk Foods" and will replenish our pet supply with the food the vet deems okay for Chase. Chelsea will follow in Chase's dietary footsteps as well. She will finish up the Purina Healthy Morsels while Chase will be going on a diet that can only be obtained through the vet. For now we are hopeful, prayerful, and are just waiting for Chase to come home to us again.....
It is now March 21
While we picked Chase up from the hospital on Thursay night he was only home with us a brief time before we were speeding back up to the hospital. We are still waiting. I am on my way up there so I will write more later.
It is now March 21
While we picked Chase up from the hospital on Thursay night he was only home with us a brief time before we were speeding back up to the hospital. We are still waiting. I am on my way up there so I will write more later.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Two Kitchens
For many years the kitchen had been the focal point or the heartbeat of my family. I had been raised in a family that always believed that the family always sat down to dinner together. That was where everyone shared what was going on in their lives. It was an instant connect with your family. I carried those same beliefs with my children and always made sure that dinner was spent together because I had always considered it important.
Growing up my sisters and I had two kitchens. Didn’t most divorced parents have two of everything? We had Grandma’s kitchen, my mother’s mother lived with us and did most of the cooking. Then we had our step-mother’s, Francine’s, kitchen. Both of these kitchens were the heartbeat of the home. Francine introduced us to beef stew with brown gravy. Well, I must have died and went to heaven. It was the best beef stew that I had ever eaten, and remains as such even today. Everything Francine cooked was out of this world. We always had a big Sunday dinner and the food was positively succulent. Dessert was another story. Everyone we knew raved about Francine’s cream puffs. She cooked everything from scratch. There was no cheating in Francine’s kitchen.
My two sisters and I looked forward to those delectable dinners every Sunday. More often than not my dad would stop at the bakery for bread. He would buy two loaves; one which was for sharing on the way home as we were absolutely ravenous after church. That would hold us over for the delicious meal we knew that Francine would prepare once we arrived.
Now, that we are women and have families of our own we have created our own kitchens, so to speak. I must admit that when we had visited last summer it had been like stepping through a time-warp. I was instantly transported to my childhood, if only for a moment as Francine sent about cooking our favorite meals, which was touching since this was our first trip up north in years. She accepted us into her home as though we had never left and I finally realized that we are still so very much connected. That is what is so wonderful about family. No matter where you might be in your life there is always a place to come home to. And it is definitely okay to have two kitchens, even now.
Growing up my sisters and I had two kitchens. Didn’t most divorced parents have two of everything? We had Grandma’s kitchen, my mother’s mother lived with us and did most of the cooking. Then we had our step-mother’s, Francine’s, kitchen. Both of these kitchens were the heartbeat of the home. Francine introduced us to beef stew with brown gravy. Well, I must have died and went to heaven. It was the best beef stew that I had ever eaten, and remains as such even today. Everything Francine cooked was out of this world. We always had a big Sunday dinner and the food was positively succulent. Dessert was another story. Everyone we knew raved about Francine’s cream puffs. She cooked everything from scratch. There was no cheating in Francine’s kitchen.
My two sisters and I looked forward to those delectable dinners every Sunday. More often than not my dad would stop at the bakery for bread. He would buy two loaves; one which was for sharing on the way home as we were absolutely ravenous after church. That would hold us over for the delicious meal we knew that Francine would prepare once we arrived.
Now, that we are women and have families of our own we have created our own kitchens, so to speak. I must admit that when we had visited last summer it had been like stepping through a time-warp. I was instantly transported to my childhood, if only for a moment as Francine sent about cooking our favorite meals, which was touching since this was our first trip up north in years. She accepted us into her home as though we had never left and I finally realized that we are still so very much connected. That is what is so wonderful about family. No matter where you might be in your life there is always a place to come home to. And it is definitely okay to have two kitchens, even now.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Midlife Crisis vs. Minor Meltdown
And how would you know the difference??
For the past five years I have thought that I had Midlife Crises when I have finally reached the conclusion that all I had was a Minor Meltdown. Which should not to be confused with the Major Meltdown that surely must follow the Minor Meltdown. So, now that I have that established I can move right along. Yeah right!!!
With hormone fluctuations that cannot be explained or contained it’s a wonder I can get a grip on any kind of emotion other than raging, crying, or just plain coming out the corner swinging. Men do not seem to understand that most of us (women) are running entirely on emotions. Not of our choice, it is simply the way we are built. And guys, let’s face it, you like the way we’re built, so shut up and deal with it.
I sometimes feel for my husband. I must admit he is learning to keep his lip zipped. He must figure the tangent will end sooner or later, he’s hoping for sooner. There are days I can actually feel the daggers shooting out of my eyes, which can be as sharp as my tongue, if you get me going.
Now, while all of these things are going on let’s keep in mind, that there is a trigger. I am not going off half cocked for no apparent reason. The fuse has been lit and now it’s practically a done deal.
I think that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am fed up with everything. I have come to terms with the things that I know that I have to do, no choice, and since I consider myself a responsible person, I get it done.
Taking a vacation is not an option because I have to come back. It’s a stalemate. There is no winning. So, I will take in a few deep breaths, count to ten, and then I’ll come out swinging. Blame it on PMS!
For the past five years I have thought that I had Midlife Crises when I have finally reached the conclusion that all I had was a Minor Meltdown. Which should not to be confused with the Major Meltdown that surely must follow the Minor Meltdown. So, now that I have that established I can move right along. Yeah right!!!
With hormone fluctuations that cannot be explained or contained it’s a wonder I can get a grip on any kind of emotion other than raging, crying, or just plain coming out the corner swinging. Men do not seem to understand that most of us (women) are running entirely on emotions. Not of our choice, it is simply the way we are built. And guys, let’s face it, you like the way we’re built, so shut up and deal with it.
I sometimes feel for my husband. I must admit he is learning to keep his lip zipped. He must figure the tangent will end sooner or later, he’s hoping for sooner. There are days I can actually feel the daggers shooting out of my eyes, which can be as sharp as my tongue, if you get me going.
Now, while all of these things are going on let’s keep in mind, that there is a trigger. I am not going off half cocked for no apparent reason. The fuse has been lit and now it’s practically a done deal.
I think that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am fed up with everything. I have come to terms with the things that I know that I have to do, no choice, and since I consider myself a responsible person, I get it done.
Taking a vacation is not an option because I have to come back. It’s a stalemate. There is no winning. So, I will take in a few deep breaths, count to ten, and then I’ll come out swinging. Blame it on PMS!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Ferrets Need Your Help Desperately...
When I originally heard the story about Tom’s friend losing 25 Ferrets I was devastated. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an animal lover and will do anything to protect our little four legged critters big and small. Then I went and met these wonderful people who run this amazing rescue I was positively floored. These people are truly amazing. Keith and Evelyn who run a Ferret Rescue/Shelter (in their home), Lost their home to a fire! All was lost. They lost 25 Ferrets in that fire and they are devastated!
Please sign this petition to help them rebuild!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/715975504
I was amazed that through the darkness they could see some light. If you are led to make a donation please do so. The work that they do is so important. I had the privilege to meet Sampson (one of the survivors) and he just cuddled right on up to me. Ordinarily I would have been a goner but as you know Chase and Chelsea being Rat Terriers would not take kindly to a ferret running around. But they are adorable and so loveable. These little furry critters are misunderstood. And please note, they are not rodents. There are many misconceptions regarding these lovable little fuzzies. Please visit the Ferret Rescue/Shelter website and make a donation to this worthy cause today!
http://www.fathernaturesferretrescue.com/
Please sign this petition to help them rebuild!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/715975504
I was amazed that through the darkness they could see some light. If you are led to make a donation please do so. The work that they do is so important. I had the privilege to meet Sampson (one of the survivors) and he just cuddled right on up to me. Ordinarily I would have been a goner but as you know Chase and Chelsea being Rat Terriers would not take kindly to a ferret running around. But they are adorable and so loveable. These little furry critters are misunderstood. And please note, they are not rodents. There are many misconceptions regarding these lovable little fuzzies. Please visit the Ferret Rescue/Shelter website and make a donation to this worthy cause today!
http://www.fathernaturesferretrescue.com/
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Retrospect and Hindsight
It’s amazing when you look at things in retrospect. Almost like seeing things in hindsight. I remember thinking, as well as saying, “If I had only done things differently. If only…” But here’s the deal I didn’t do things differently so I am stuck with what I have done and the choices I have made. Although I may not like it, it is all that I have.
People might say it’s that forty thing… Well, as time goes on it only gets better. You begin to realize that if you tell so and so how you feel the sky will NOT come crashing down and that life as you know it will not come to a screeching halt. Forty can be a wonderful thing if you embrace it. In the beginning I had fought it tooth and nail. When thirty-nine came and went it felt almost surreal. A couple of months earlier it was like a change was taking a hold of me. And it wasn’t just a case of hormones going in and out of flux, it was something indefinable. I was changing. There was something going on that was unexplainable and instead of fighting it, I embraced it.
I must have spent my entire life fighting something. I was always going against the grain but that simply meant that I was standing up for what was right. It was also something that made me the person that I was and am today. The times when I thought I had been the weakest had been the times when I had come out the strongest. Times when I had been kicked down could not be measured by the times when I had gotten up again, only stronger.
There are times when you might feel you are at your weakest point. Life is just repeatedly pulling you down. Those are the times that count. Those are the times when you have to dig your heels in and remain constant.
With the way that my life has flowed I sometimes cannot remember how I had gotten to this place in my life. If you would have told me that things would have turned out this way about fifteen or twenty years ago I would have told you that you are crazy. But that is life, with its crazy twists and turns. I also know, deep down in my heart, that most of the things that I did were things I HAD to do. No choices. They were things I did because they were the right thing to do. Simple enough. I wish it were. However, in the scheme of things, I know that one of these days things will turn around and I will be on the inside once again. Of course the question that remains will always be, is that where I’m supposed to be? As my mother once said, “A little adversity never hurt anyone.”
In my case, it made me stronger. There were people who thought I would fail and who knows maybe they believe that I have. I feel bad for them because they will never know true peace. The difference between us is that I have gotten up off the floor twenty years ago while they are still down there. So while they may think they’re on the inside, be advised, “You’re not…” In the end the truth will prevail. It always does. I may not have arrived and that’s all right. I will eventually get there. I am in no hurry. I just want to know that when I finally get there I will hear. “Well done thou faithful servant.”
I realize I still have a long way to go… however, the path remains straight.
People might say it’s that forty thing… Well, as time goes on it only gets better. You begin to realize that if you tell so and so how you feel the sky will NOT come crashing down and that life as you know it will not come to a screeching halt. Forty can be a wonderful thing if you embrace it. In the beginning I had fought it tooth and nail. When thirty-nine came and went it felt almost surreal. A couple of months earlier it was like a change was taking a hold of me. And it wasn’t just a case of hormones going in and out of flux, it was something indefinable. I was changing. There was something going on that was unexplainable and instead of fighting it, I embraced it.
I must have spent my entire life fighting something. I was always going against the grain but that simply meant that I was standing up for what was right. It was also something that made me the person that I was and am today. The times when I thought I had been the weakest had been the times when I had come out the strongest. Times when I had been kicked down could not be measured by the times when I had gotten up again, only stronger.
There are times when you might feel you are at your weakest point. Life is just repeatedly pulling you down. Those are the times that count. Those are the times when you have to dig your heels in and remain constant.
With the way that my life has flowed I sometimes cannot remember how I had gotten to this place in my life. If you would have told me that things would have turned out this way about fifteen or twenty years ago I would have told you that you are crazy. But that is life, with its crazy twists and turns. I also know, deep down in my heart, that most of the things that I did were things I HAD to do. No choices. They were things I did because they were the right thing to do. Simple enough. I wish it were. However, in the scheme of things, I know that one of these days things will turn around and I will be on the inside once again. Of course the question that remains will always be, is that where I’m supposed to be? As my mother once said, “A little adversity never hurt anyone.”
In my case, it made me stronger. There were people who thought I would fail and who knows maybe they believe that I have. I feel bad for them because they will never know true peace. The difference between us is that I have gotten up off the floor twenty years ago while they are still down there. So while they may think they’re on the inside, be advised, “You’re not…” In the end the truth will prevail. It always does. I may not have arrived and that’s all right. I will eventually get there. I am in no hurry. I just want to know that when I finally get there I will hear. “Well done thou faithful servant.”
I realize I still have a long way to go… however, the path remains straight.
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