Sunday, December 13, 2009

Haters / By: Maya Angelou

My sister passed this on to me in an email and I think it is POWERFUL!
Not only that but it rings TRUE on ALL accounts. Just thought I would
share.



Haters
By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their
time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb
(if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) you are a strong person and don't let people run you over
f) you have a strong and loving marriage and they can't get in-between spouses to spoil it

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be
on our side (like some family and friends).

How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering that what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at who is in charge of me...'

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Matches Aren't Always Made In Heaven

Matches Aren't Always Made In Heaven
(Installment 1)


As the rain continued to pelt the pavement Jerard pushed himself further back into the doorway while pulling the collar of his brown trench coat up around his ears. There were people hurrying along the sidewalk dodging the drizzle, some with umbrellas and others just rushing to get out of the rain. Heavy clouds hung directly overhead as the rain continued to fall. He’d been in this particular vicinity for about a week and he’d been watching her. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be here and quite honestly he couldn’t recall how he’d stumbled across her path. She was still as beautiful as he’d remembered. Even more so. Time had been kind to Sarah Alders but this wasn’t his assignment and he knew that. But he could not bring himself to leave. Not yet, anyway.
He’d fallen hard for Sarah, but she had never known, had never even suspected it. They weren’t meant to be together and they had both known that. They had come from two different worlds and although at the time Sarah couldn’t see beyond tomorrow Jerard certainly could. He had tasted the regret the moment he had kissed her lips just as he had a twinge of regret now. But kissing her had been unavoidable and the moment their lips had met he had gone down for the count.
Time seemed to crawl as he waited for Sarah to come out of her boyfriend’s apartment which was where he had followed her. A twinge of something familiar hit him furiously but that lasted for only the briefest of moments. This wasn’t the first time that he needed to remind himself that he needed to finish up his assignment and get back home. Yet, he still remained in the doorway looking up at the second floor apartment forlornly.
Jerard shook himself back into the present as Sarah came down the front stairs laughing, the boyfriend close behind. He had a large green umbrella but Sarah stopped him from opening it. All was quiet as Jerard held his breath for a moment. Her hair was shorter than he remembered which in turn caused her brown eyes to look bigger. Liquid brown eyes. The color of melting chocolate. Sarah had been a skinny teenager and not exactly a raving beauty but she’d always had all the right curves in all the right places. And now, she was a woman. Totally different from the frightened little girl he had kissed so tenderly on that balmy summer night so very long ago. It was still hard to believe that he had let her go so easily. But he’d had no choice. It hadn’t been the right time. They hadn’t stood half a chance twenty years ago just as sure as they hadn’t a chance today. Yet, here he was, so close to reaching out to Sarah but still so far away.

Friday, September 18, 2009

From One Mother to Another…

Today I woke up missing my mother more than usual. There were so many things we hadn’t talked about when she had been alive. Things we probably should have talked about. I had, however, made sure that she hadn’t blamed herself for my foolish mistakes of the past. That is the thing with mistakes. I think Billy Joel said it best. They are truly the only things that we can call our own. Isn’t that the truth?
My relationship with my daughter is pretty good. At least I think it is. We can talk about many things. Even though there are plenty of those occasions when she rolls her eyes when I am getting too personal. “Hey, I’m your mother. It gives me the right to be a royal pain in your butt. I tell you these things, why?”
“Because you love me.” By now, her eyes are still rolling but there is the hint of a smile. As long as she knows that is why I am being so persistent. It is important to me that she knows.
I am not going to be around forever. I need to know that she, as well as my boys, can take care of themselves. Only then, will my job as a mother be complete. My boys have taken on the hard-headed mentality. That’s all right. We’ve all been there. As long as they know that I love them and want the very best for them that life has to offer.
No one understands better than me that you can love someone and not be able to live with them. That was the type of relationship I shared with my mother. I could not live with her but that did not mean I didn’t love her. I found I had a better relationship with her when I didn’t live with her.
I always admired my mom; I thought she had to be one of the strongest women I had ever known. She had single-handedly raised three girls who had turned into some pretty successful women, if I do say so myself. My grandmother had lived with us as well but it had been my mom who ran the house. She raised us to be the best that we could be. And for the time that I had deviated from the plan, God had been watching over me. I thank God that I finally came to my senses, came back into the fold, and had been able to spend some time with my mom before she had unexpectedly passed away three years later.
There are some things I don’t understand. Some things I may never understand. And that’s quite all right. I’m still standing here, unwavering, standing on the promises of God. I’ve come to accept that God’s plan for my life is so much better than anything I can ever hope to achieve. So I wait and I pray to God with an unconditional love that only one mother to another can ever understand.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Midnight Magic - The Rewrite

I finally took that Ahhh breath this morning when I FINALLY finished this rewrite. I am hoping that this is good enough for them to go ahead. Of course I am just beginning the edits so you never know what can happen now. But it truly is a wonderful feeling to know that you have jumped that last hurdle. I think I just might be over the moon. And coming off a vacation high I would have to say that's pretty good.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Book Signing Sat. 08-08

Don’t forget…
I will be signing One Enchanted Evening on Saturday, August 8th from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Come out and see me at Sherlock’s Books and CafĂ© located at 45 S. New York Rd. in Galloway, New Jersey. I look forward to seeing you all there.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

PawPrints

Everyone who knows me knows the way I feel about my Ratties. Chase and Chelsea are my two babies. I love them with all my heart, much more than I ever thought that I could love another human being; the fact that they are dogs has no bearing on that love. There are people who have no idea what they are missing and that is too bad. A dog loves unconditionally. There are people that can take lessons in that particular department.
When I say that there are absolutely no conditions I mean none. All they ask for is food, water, some attention, and our love in return. They need to be cared for and in return they give us companionship and unconditional love. A dog does not know how to hold a grudge. He does not care if you are not pretty. He doesn't care if you gained a few pounds over the holidays and haven't even started working out. A nice healthy dinner, a scratch behind the ears, and a nice walk will suffice.
Chase is eight and Chelsea is six. Although they are both the same breed, Rat Terriers, they are as different as night and day. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Maybe the same holds true for dogs as well.
Everyone who knows us also knows what we have been through with Chase’s health. I can only thank God that we have come through and now can see that light at the end of the tunnel. I haven’t been able to put what we had gone through in words because it had been such a nightmare from the very beginning. He’d gone through major surgery and if it’s one thing I have learned about Chase – He is a fighter. You can’t keep a good dog down. He has proven this over and over again, too many times if you ask me. That hospital stay had been hard on all of us. I was amazed at how caring the staff was at the Animal Emergency & Referral Associates located in Fairfield, New Jersey. They had been kind through my tears and concern for my beloved Chase. And it was a relief to feel that they cared and that Chase wasn’t just a meal ticket for someone. Unfortunately they got to know him a little too well but through it all they were there whenever and however many times I called. That was a comfort. Even the doctors got to know Chase and his many quips while he was there. And I was comforted to know that Chase was getting the best care possible. I knew that in my heart.
If I hear “It’s just a dog,” one more time I think I might scream. Both Chase and Chelsea rate as my children. And no one knows this better than a dog lover. I can tell you beyond the shadow of a doubt that Tom and I have such a special bond with our pups that cannot me explained. Our love supersedes unconditional love if that is possible. With God on our side we have remained positive as we had weathered some pretty tough waters in the last four months. Chase and Chelsea have left their paw prints all over my clothes, my furniture, but more than that, they left their paw prints all over my heart.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

But I’ve only been here a couple of minutes…

“But I’ve only been here a couple of minutes…”
June 2, 2009

Tonight Uncle Jim passed away. Almost three weeks before that Uncle Frank had passed. Both had been my mother’s brothers. The last part of my Mom’s branch passed away tonight and I feel like a leaf blowing in the breeze. I had never looked at it in terms of branches on a family tree until Jackie started asking how everyone was related. From Great Uncles to uncles who were uncles through marriage. From cousins to second cousins and the like. The family tree had never been something I had been interested in learning about. Until now.
To think that an entire branch has passed on forces us to look at our own mortality. We’re the next branch in line. My heart is saddened. I think of my mom and find myself wondering what it would be like if she were here. She had never gotten to see any of my major achievements in life. Then again, didn’t she? She got to see me stand up for what was right, leave an abusive first husband, and start over as a single mom with three small children. She got to see me meet a wonderful man on a blind date, although she didn’t know at that time that he would one day become my husband. She spent a lot of time with my children when they had been small, enjoying them and their antics. She had seen me get my diploma, go back to work, and finally stand on my own two feet.
It’s all a matter of looking at the glass half empty or looking at the glass half full.
Tom and I always talk about Heaven and the way we imagine it to be. When Uncle Frank passed a couple of weeks ago I can so vividly see Mom and Gram waiting to greet him. Of course Uncle Frank is overjoyed being in Heaven, after all, to be in God’s actual presence just has to be awesome! I can picture Mom with a smile saying. “Frankie, what are you doing here?”
And Uncle Frank giving her one of his famous lopsided grins. “I missed you.”
“Missed me.” She says. “I haven’t been gone but a couple of minutes.”
And then there were four. Grandpa, (whom I never got the pleasure of meeting) Gram, Mom, and Uncle Frank waiting silently, reverently, while it is now Uncle Jim’s turn to pass through the pearly gates. There is the brightest of sunshine. There is no more pain, no more tears, and no more sorrow. There is simply perfection. A family reunion ensues!

That’s exactly how I envision it! I wonder if time actually stands still in Heaven. I do believe that the time factor is different. This is not just a mindset. This is an actual promise that God has given to us. Of course there are provisions. All we must do is accept that His son died on the cross for all of our sins and ask His forgiveness and invite Him into our hearts! That’s it! I have taken math exams that were harder than that. Just think everlasting life with the King of Kings and to spend eternity with all of our loved ones. Just to know that simple fact is more than awesome!
Now Uncle Jim joins the rest of his family and we that are left behind are in mourning. We are mourning our loss, or in this case, our recent losses. I know that there will be some days that are harder than others. We will never forget our loved ones and there will always be reminders and memories throughout our own lives. Many of which we will get to share with our children, grandchildren, and if we’re lucky, our great grandchildren.
And then one day we will find ourselves being guided through those same gates that many have passed through before us and our loved ones will be waiting eagerly to greet us. You can be sure that you will hear. “But I’ve only been here a couple of minutes…”

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Mask

I’ve been told that we hide behind a mask. I have never really believed it until recently. There are certain things we allow people to see and there are other things we do not. It’s sort of like an omission. I don’t think we plan on doing it, but as we get older we’ve come to realize that when someone asks how we are doing, whether we are doing well or not is not the issue. They are asking to be nice and we just automatically come back with a one word answer and toss the ball back into their court. Why? Because it is something called pleasantries. It’s as simple as that. An acquaintance doesn’t want to hear about Aunt Martha’s ailing back, or about Fluffy’s bringing home a mouse the day before. Although these things are important to us they just do not seem worthy enough to share with a casual acquaintance.
I have a friend who whenever asked how she is doing always goes down the list with every ailment she’s had in the past six months. There are quite a number of people who don’t ask her how she is because of this. Me, I always ask. I feel that maybe the reason she does this is simply because she needs someone to talk to. Someone to commiserate with. Someone to share with how she feels.
For someone like me, who has always spoken her mind, to discover that I hide behind a mask did take me by surprise. I am more than happy to share the “feel good” things in my life but when it comes down to the “not so good” I tend to clam up. Hurt is a hard enough emotion to deal with as it is so why put it out there.
Seems like I learned a hard lesson recently that has me rethinking quite a few different issues. Simply put, some things that we deem important are just better left unsaid. If you feel the need to unload these burdens go to a therapist and unload them there. This boils down to one of my favorite sayings. Sometimes doing the right thing is not always the right thing to do.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Unfinished Business

I had a nice talk with Jackie this morning. One of those mother daughter chats that me and my mom unfortunately never had. I don’t really know why, and then again, maybe I do. My mom never had really talked to me about dating or the rules of dating. True, I had married young, but we just never had that kind of relationship. In my opinion, Jackie and I have a pretty good relationship. I try to make it a point to talk to her about all of the things my mother never told me. Sure, I am still learning. I sometimes say the wrong thing, none of us are perfect. This morning I asked her about her very first crush. She rolled her eyes as only Jackie can do, but she forgets that I am well informed on these things. I told her about what I refer to as “Unfinished Business”. We’ve had this conversation before. In fact we talked about it a lot as it was something very important to me. I’ve only had this conversation with a select few in my circle who know me very well.
“I know.” She meets my eyes for a brief moment then looks away. “You’re the voice of experience.”
“I just don’t ever want for you to have regrets later on down the line.” I did not add that it was something that I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.
She made herself busy at her dresser. I know she doesn’t want to meet my gaze. Maybe because she knows that I will not simply drop the subject and move on. I’m not really sure. I just don’t want her to have any regrets later on. Sure, my circumstances are very different but are we ever really sure of anything? And tomorrow is just one of those things that are never guaranteed. “So, who was he?” I already know the answer and she flushes.
“Mom.”
“Okay.” I concede the point only because I think that she knows that I know who he is. “I just want to make sure. I don’t want you to ever look back and think what if…” What a joke that is, as well as the biggest understatement ever made. What if… Where does my list begin? Actually I don’t think I know where it ends. I don’t want to go there. Not again. And not now! I’ve already had to repair my makeup once today and I’m not going for a second time.
Jackie and I have that special bond. Sometimes I believe that maybe there are some things that should just remain in the past. Maybe we shouldn’t discuss them. Then again, I would like with all my heart to believe that she tries to understand where I’m coming from and as a mother I hope to God that she’ll never have to experience in her life, exactly where I’m coming from.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Homesick By: Mercy Me

For my cousins Linda and Francine who recently lost their Dad. Hold this song close to your heart and know that where your Dad is today is our final destination and reward. And one day we will see him again!! Our prayers are with you today and always!





You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Anniversary

So, I looked at the calendar. And you know what; I go through this every year. Isn’t that what anniversary’s are? But this is an anniversary of a death, followed by bittersweet memories. But aren’t they a time to reflect? Smile at the memories you shared, the ones you could have made but didn’t get the chance, and shed a couple of tears. Okay, more than a couple, I fibbed. And then I heard that song that gets me every time, “Homesick.” (By Mercy Me) And it’s just so awesome, powerful and true that I find myself getting lost in another place in time.
Losing someone special will leave a hole in your heart that no one can fill. And that’s okay, because that’s just the way it is supposed to be. I still don’t quite understand why things happened the way that they did but I know that God was always in control of it all. I know that some people get angry at God when they lose someone close, I never did. I may have gotten angry at people close to the situation but NEVER at God. After all, He is the one who pulled me through what had to be one of the darkest moments of my life. So, tomorrow, when I look at the calendar I will think back on the smiles, to the brief time we had together, and hopefully not to all the things that could have or should have been. I will thank God for the little time that we shared because I know in my heart of hearts that you made me a better person and I will ALWAYS love you for that.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

A daily dose of wisdom

Just when you thought you heard it all. Just when you thought it was safe to breathe. Just when you thought you had it all sewn up. Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water…
Guess what?
Your life gets turned upside down and inside out.
You can never outrun your past. No matter what you do it always seems to be two steps ahead of you. You can love someone so much that it hurts. Sometimes the best thing you can ever do for someone you love is to simply walk away and not look back. Regret is what you’ll have if you look back.
When there’s a piece to the puzzle that is simply no where to be found, count on your sister to find it.
There will always be one that got away just as you will always be haunted by a memory of someone dear.
There are days that you’ll hurt more than others, just as there will be days when you’ll want to pack it all in. There will be someone that will stand beside you and love you for who you are and not who they think you should be. There are days when you will have to forgive yourself for being human because we all are.
As the days turn to weeks, the weeks turn to months, and the months turn to years eventually you will find wisdom. You will know what it feels like to have loved and lost. In doing so you will also come to realize that losing is not necessarily a bad thing. Not having loved at all would have been a greater loss.
Sometimes telling a little white lie will save a heart the ache. In order to completely forgive we need to try like hell to forget. Sometimes what you don’t know can be a good thing. Sometimes you realize that the only people in your life you can love unconditionally are your children (and your dogs).
It’s a sad realization when you think that more than half of your life has been spent on the defensive.
It has been said that the truth hurts, and believe me, it does! Whoever said that time heals all wounds must have only had a superficial boo-boo, because some wounds are simply way too deep. If you tell someone a secret you had better trust them with your life. It’s definitely easier to tell the truth because there is no covering up the truth. If you lie even once, you will be forced to lie again to cover up the first lie. Before you know it, you be stuck in a quagmire of deceit. It isn’t worth it. Come clean the first time and you won’t have to remember the web of lies that you needed to cover the first lie in the first place.
If a person lies about something simple just imagine how deep that goes. Always think before you act. Once the words are said it is too late to pull them back. Once a deed is done you can’t change that deed. Once you cross the line you can’t go back.
When you start talking like your parents, don’t look at it as getting old; look at it as you are wising up. It’s okay to sing along with the radio no matter what your kids say even though I remember how mortified I’d been whenever my mom had done it. What I wouldn’t give to have her here with me today, singing off key and all. Maybe we all have to go to the school of hard knocks. I always had to learn everything the hard way. I guess that might be where my kids get it from. The key here is that you need to learn something from your mistakes.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Update on Chase March 15

It has been the longest four days in history. Thursday night it began with Chase's odd behavior. First chewing on everything he could get in his mouth. Chase never did this as a pup so I immediately knew something was wrong when he began this odd behavior. Next came the vomiting episodes. We thought he was suffering from an upset stomach. But by 10:00 PM we knew that we were heading on up to the vet hospital.We get him up there. They check him out, take blood, inject him with some medication, place a small electrolyte pack under his skin and send us home. I already have Friday off because I am babysitting Miss Jada only now I have Chase in tow because I know that I cannot possibly leave him alone.Aside from that I am only going on an hour's amount of sleep, if that. We know that we have to get Chase in to see the vet today and I am scrambling to make it happen in between sitting for Jada and caring for Chase. Tom and I meet to take Chase to the vet while Z arrives home to help with Jada. Chase gets examined and all we really know is that his stomach is in chaos. We are chalking it up to an upper GI infection. He is given more medications through injections and a monster electrolyte pack under the skin making him look like a little hunchback. He comes home. I go back to sit with Jada and Tom cares for Chase. He seems to be doing better. Has even perked up a bit and even ate a little bit of his new dog food for the new diet he will have to be on for the rest of his life. It seems that we thought we were feeding him a good diet and we were giving him one of the highest in fats dog foods on the market. Well, we took him off that for sure. Friday night he had us up a couple of times to go out, but he was not vomiting. We took this as a good sign. Saturday morning we had to fight with him tooth and nail and we only got half of his medications in him. He lay around on his bed in Tom's easy chair. Tom and I had errands to run and Jackie kept an eye on him. For the most part of the day he was all right. Although he hadn't eaten we thought he was properly hydrated. The vet hospital called to check up on him and I tell them everything is fine. Later that afternoon Chase began going downhill once again. He could not hold water down. He was getting weaker and it was showing. He had to be carried in and out for bathroom trips which were not as frequent as they ought to have been. Bedtime we think is going to be all right because he had held the water down for close to two hours before we had taken him up. Two hours later he threw up all the water. I then brought him downstairs for the rest of the night and we had been up and down. Drinking and vomiting. It was breaking my heart. When Chase finally settled down at about five AM he laid beside me on the couch under the covers and put his head on my chest and looked up at me with those big brown eyes. I knew he was hurting and my heart was breaking. I knew by the morning we were going to be heading up to a more state of the art vet hospital with round the clock care.By nine thirty AM Chase had been admitted to the ICU and was already being well taken care of. It was hard leaving him but we knew that we were doing the right thing for Chase, and he knew it too. He was already getting much needed fluids and medications. He had lost a pound already and that wasn't good.By nine forty five AM we were told that Chase had Pancreastitis.So, now we wait. Chase should be coming home in a couple of days. We just want to see him get better and feel better. This poor pup has been through the mill in the past couple of days. Since then, I have gotten rid of all of the "Junk Foods" and will replenish our pet supply with the food the vet deems okay for Chase. Chelsea will follow in Chase's dietary footsteps as well. She will finish up the Purina Healthy Morsels while Chase will be going on a diet that can only be obtained through the vet. For now we are hopeful, prayerful, and are just waiting for Chase to come home to us again.....

It is now March 21

While we picked Chase up from the hospital on Thursay night he was only home with us a brief time before we were speeding back up to the hospital. We are still waiting. I am on my way up there so I will write more later.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Two Kitchens

For many years the kitchen had been the focal point or the heartbeat of my family. I had been raised in a family that always believed that the family always sat down to dinner together. That was where everyone shared what was going on in their lives. It was an instant connect with your family. I carried those same beliefs with my children and always made sure that dinner was spent together because I had always considered it important.
Growing up my sisters and I had two kitchens. Didn’t most divorced parents have two of everything? We had Grandma’s kitchen, my mother’s mother lived with us and did most of the cooking. Then we had our step-mother’s, Francine’s, kitchen. Both of these kitchens were the heartbeat of the home. Francine introduced us to beef stew with brown gravy. Well, I must have died and went to heaven. It was the best beef stew that I had ever eaten, and remains as such even today. Everything Francine cooked was out of this world. We always had a big Sunday dinner and the food was positively succulent. Dessert was another story. Everyone we knew raved about Francine’s cream puffs. She cooked everything from scratch. There was no cheating in Francine’s kitchen.
My two sisters and I looked forward to those delectable dinners every Sunday. More often than not my dad would stop at the bakery for bread. He would buy two loaves; one which was for sharing on the way home as we were absolutely ravenous after church. That would hold us over for the delicious meal we knew that Francine would prepare once we arrived.
Now, that we are women and have families of our own we have created our own kitchens, so to speak. I must admit that when we had visited last summer it had been like stepping through a time-warp. I was instantly transported to my childhood, if only for a moment as Francine sent about cooking our favorite meals, which was touching since this was our first trip up north in years. She accepted us into her home as though we had never left and I finally realized that we are still so very much connected. That is what is so wonderful about family. No matter where you might be in your life there is always a place to come home to. And it is definitely okay to have two kitchens, even now.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Midlife Crisis vs. Minor Meltdown

And how would you know the difference??

For the past five years I have thought that I had Midlife Crises when I have finally reached the conclusion that all I had was a Minor Meltdown. Which should not to be confused with the Major Meltdown that surely must follow the Minor Meltdown. So, now that I have that established I can move right along. Yeah right!!!
With hormone fluctuations that cannot be explained or contained it’s a wonder I can get a grip on any kind of emotion other than raging, crying, or just plain coming out the corner swinging. Men do not seem to understand that most of us (women) are running entirely on emotions. Not of our choice, it is simply the way we are built. And guys, let’s face it, you like the way we’re built, so shut up and deal with it.
I sometimes feel for my husband. I must admit he is learning to keep his lip zipped. He must figure the tangent will end sooner or later, he’s hoping for sooner. There are days I can actually feel the daggers shooting out of my eyes, which can be as sharp as my tongue, if you get me going.
Now, while all of these things are going on let’s keep in mind, that there is a trigger. I am not going off half cocked for no apparent reason. The fuse has been lit and now it’s practically a done deal.
I think that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am fed up with everything. I have come to terms with the things that I know that I have to do, no choice, and since I consider myself a responsible person, I get it done.
Taking a vacation is not an option because I have to come back. It’s a stalemate. There is no winning. So, I will take in a few deep breaths, count to ten, and then I’ll come out swinging. Blame it on PMS!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ferrets Need Your Help Desperately...

When I originally heard the story about Tom’s friend losing 25 Ferrets I was devastated. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an animal lover and will do anything to protect our little four legged critters big and small. Then I went and met these wonderful people who run this amazing rescue I was positively floored. These people are truly amazing. Keith and Evelyn who run a Ferret Rescue/Shelter (in their home), Lost their home to a fire! All was lost. They lost 25 Ferrets in that fire and they are devastated!
Please sign this petition to help them rebuild!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/715975504

I was amazed that through the darkness they could see some light. If you are led to make a donation please do so. The work that they do is so important. I had the privilege to meet Sampson (one of the survivors) and he just cuddled right on up to me. Ordinarily I would have been a goner but as you know Chase and Chelsea being Rat Terriers would not take kindly to a ferret running around. But they are adorable and so loveable. These little furry critters are misunderstood. And please note, they are not rodents. There are many misconceptions regarding these lovable little fuzzies. Please visit the Ferret Rescue/Shelter website and make a donation to this worthy cause today!
http://www.fathernaturesferretrescue.com/

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Retrospect and Hindsight

It’s amazing when you look at things in retrospect. Almost like seeing things in hindsight. I remember thinking, as well as saying, “If I had only done things differently. If only…” But here’s the deal I didn’t do things differently so I am stuck with what I have done and the choices I have made. Although I may not like it, it is all that I have.
People might say it’s that forty thing… Well, as time goes on it only gets better. You begin to realize that if you tell so and so how you feel the sky will NOT come crashing down and that life as you know it will not come to a screeching halt. Forty can be a wonderful thing if you embrace it. In the beginning I had fought it tooth and nail. When thirty-nine came and went it felt almost surreal. A couple of months earlier it was like a change was taking a hold of me. And it wasn’t just a case of hormones going in and out of flux, it was something indefinable. I was changing. There was something going on that was unexplainable and instead of fighting it, I embraced it.
I must have spent my entire life fighting something. I was always going against the grain but that simply meant that I was standing up for what was right. It was also something that made me the person that I was and am today. The times when I thought I had been the weakest had been the times when I had come out the strongest. Times when I had been kicked down could not be measured by the times when I had gotten up again, only stronger.
There are times when you might feel you are at your weakest point. Life is just repeatedly pulling you down. Those are the times that count. Those are the times when you have to dig your heels in and remain constant.
With the way that my life has flowed I sometimes cannot remember how I had gotten to this place in my life. If you would have told me that things would have turned out this way about fifteen or twenty years ago I would have told you that you are crazy. But that is life, with its crazy twists and turns. I also know, deep down in my heart, that most of the things that I did were things I HAD to do. No choices. They were things I did because they were the right thing to do. Simple enough. I wish it were. However, in the scheme of things, I know that one of these days things will turn around and I will be on the inside once again. Of course the question that remains will always be, is that where I’m supposed to be? As my mother once said, “A little adversity never hurt anyone.”
In my case, it made me stronger. There were people who thought I would fail and who knows maybe they believe that I have. I feel bad for them because they will never know true peace. The difference between us is that I have gotten up off the floor twenty years ago while they are still down there. So while they may think they’re on the inside, be advised, “You’re not…” In the end the truth will prevail. It always does. I may not have arrived and that’s all right. I will eventually get there. I am in no hurry. I just want to know that when I finally get there I will hear. “Well done thou faithful servant.”
I realize I still have a long way to go… however, the path remains straight.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Who is Driving??

Another new year!! I had purposed in my heart that it is going to be a good one. Despite what can be tossed my way, I am digging my heels in for the duration. I'm standing strong on quite a number of issues this year. Which is not really any different than any other year, then again, maybe it is...

Some things never change and some things have to change. I am standing firm on many things and I will NOT be moved. You would think that by now the people in my life would know some of the following words that I live by.

1) Loyalty

2) Honesty

3) Integrity

No, I am not perfect, not even close, but here it is. I strive to be a better person. I have definitely not arrived and doubt I will be arriving any time soon. I want to be able to wake up and look at myself in the mirror and be able to live with the kind of person I have turned out to be. And while I know there are so many things that I have yet to change, I am trying. I pray every day for God's blessings, wisdom, and His generous favor. If I have learned one thing - With God on my side, I can do anything. I cannot imagine living my life without God in it. I would only be flying by the seat of my pants. God is is the driver's seat and I am only the co-pilot. Quite honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way!!